Dear Murloc: 1

Posted in Letters by Sandra on September 30, 2008

Hello love,

Yesterday you updated me on your hour-long call to the Australian Embassy, when I got back from a long day out. One of the things you mentioned was how I would have to be with you for 3 years so that my PR application would be successful. Was a bit flat, and just said that we’d take things as they come. You agreed, but said that you’d like me to know anyway. Just in case.

How would it be like to live with (and off you, I’m ashamed to say)? I fear that you’re taming me far too easily; shouldn’t I put up a fair fight before I let you have your prize? I’ve heard that female adults withhold the primal pleasures of sex in exchange for gifts they want… maybe I should start learning how to do that.

(Of course, we both know that it’d just be a miserable failure at best.)

Sleep has been slow to come these few nights, and of this day I have exactly 14 days to go before I board that flight (Singapore -> Perth for 3 hours -> Melbourne, 11 hour flight /qq). I’m excited and afraid. It’s a whole new world out there, and I wouldn’t even be able to work legally till February 2009. I think that, beyond all other matters, bother me — I am forced to be dependent on you for the smallest things during these months. It’s not that I don’t trust you to take care of me; I suppose it’s a safety net, being able to work and earn my own money. It’s not a need (not now at least) but a want.

I guess mum has succeeded in drilling the phrase “Don’t rely on men” into me quite well.

My mother says that in my going there, I lose everything (ie, university education), and you gain someone to cook and clean for you, and a free fuck to boot. Of course, what she thinks isn’t congruous with what I think…

My dear, is love and desire reason enough for you to bear the burden of taking care of me for months? I don’t know why I’m questioning and doubting; the date’s been set, I’ve been withdrawn from uni, I’ve given 80% of my library to the national library, and we’ve both decided that this is what we do.

Jitters I suppose. It’s what one feels on the cusp of something life-changing, quite literally in this case.

My thoughts are unravelling fast. All I’m waiting is for 10am to strike, so I can take the pill.

… I’m sleepy again :(



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