Losing the Risk

Posted in Letters (Old) by Sandra on October 11, 2007

‘So you mean that everytime I want to get some bonding time with my brother, I have to buy you pizza and make sure it’s the time when anime is shown on the television?’

‘Mhm,’ he munched into his slice of Hawaiian Classic pizza.

‘Damn,’ she grinned as she settled onto the sofa next to him with her slice of Cheesy Turkey pizza. ‘I’m gonna be a broke sister before long.’


She crept into the room where her mother was, tapping away at her laptop. ‘How was your day?’

‘Same old, same old…’ the older woman rolled her eyes, and began to tell her daughter about her day. And the daughter listened, a smile on her face as she rolled around onto the bed to get more comfortable.

And then she told her mother how her day went, and how a certain boy made her laugh because he tried to sing some Hokkien (a Mandarin dialect) song- “piao~ piao~”

Her mother laughed, too.


She went to school, a lot earlier than usual. Her friend was already there, eyes closed, plugged in to her iPod Nano. Resting. Sleeping, perhaps. A few winks stolen before the long and potentially confusing lecture. She sat down as quietly as she could, trying not to wake her up.

Her friend opened her eyes, and saw her. She smiled. And she smiled back.

No need for words.

Just a smile, that said “Good morning”.


She came home to the boy she spoke of to her mother, and he was scratching away on his drawing pad. ‘A nude picture,’ he explained, and showed her the source. She was not offended, instead wondering how she would have depicted the woman herself. Curvier, sexier, more feminine, with more shadows, she supposed. He just smiled and explained that he didn’t want to do the typical drawing. And she accepted it, because that’s just the way he is.

Possibly why she loved being with him so much.

They argued, later, about her drinking. It wasn’t even much – just 1/10 of a small cup the last time she did at a house warming party. He was worried that it might increase, and become a bad habit. She was pissed that he couldn’t trust her to exercise self-control. Voices were raised and blood rushed to attention, ready for the verbal sparring. Then he apologized, and she cooled off. Easily, smoothly, they moved into the “kiss and make up” phase, and then she had to go.

‘Aye,’ he called out to her. ‘Te quiero.’

‘Te quiero tambien’.


And she is happy. Has been happy. They have become more truthful with one another, and it was easier to talk to him. But he did not become the center of her world as he was before. There were different loves for her to learn of, to experience. So she would not allow him to be her everything again, at the risk of losing everything in one fell swoop.


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